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Death is a fixture.
It’s been a while. I’m existing in a limbo state of figuring out what’s next. Every time I feel like I’m about to get my head above water...

Richard Chao
Aug 23, 20251 min read
Fear Not, For You Will Fail Again.
This is a somber, yet cathartic way to start the year. My values haven't changed. The grief of letting love go is all too familiar. As I...

Richard Chao
Feb 11, 20252 min read
Be realistic.
I think we have this idea of what love is. Is it kindness? Is it understanding? Is it passion? Is it undefined? Do we need definitions? Do we need more words to feel we’re undeserving? Or reassuring, prideful, scare of admitting… this ego we harbor is… impermanent. For me… the crux is expectation. The idea that what we lack is what we seek. The white knight will appear and believe we warrant more. A false perception, reliant on a knight, that is white, that has only sought wh

Richard Chao
Dec 21, 20242 min read
I am.
I am grateful. I am elusive. I am tenacious. I am magnetic. I am ethereal. I am outrageous. I am unabashful. I am torpid. I am trapped in...

Richard Chao
Jun 16, 20241 min read
Take Pause
There are no eyes watching. There is no judge, jury, witness. There’s just you. What do you do? The way I reflect on life leaves me with...

Richard Chao
May 27, 20241 min read
At what point.
I have not written in a while. It’s because I haven’t been happy with myself. Taking a moment to reflect on who I’ve become and how it’s...

Richard Chao
May 22, 20242 min read
I Feel Better
These past few months were a lot of emotions. Mostly positive, productive, and enlightening. I haven't been in a super sexy mood since...

Richard Chao
Feb 19, 20234 min read
Sorry... truly
I keep hoping I've hit rock bottom and there's nothing left to lose. Turns out, there's a whole layer of trauma beneath the surface. I...

Richard Chao
Nov 28, 20221 min read
Happy.. er?
Tonight was a wonderful night, being surrounded by Burning Man campmates. It's comforting to be in a safe space and just lose yourself a...

Richard Chao
Nov 20, 20221 min read
A Lack of Subtly
Recently, I've been showing a more sincere part of myself with others. Instead of molding my responses to fit their desired interaction,...

Richard Chao
Oct 31, 20222 min read
Another night.
There's a deep, unsettling feeling of melancholy in my soul. I thought I moved beyond survival instincts, that I was in a position where...

Richard Chao
Oct 16, 20222 min read
Start of Something New
This song perfectly encapsulated how my September went. Back To Being Friends - Lauren Spencer Smith The need to feel productive. After...

Richard Chao
Oct 3, 20223 min read
Where Do You Go From Here?
I Don't Know What To Feel A long rant about how I've been doing. It's been a while since I've had the emotional energy to blog. Leading...

Richard Chao
Sep 7, 20223 min read
For One Please
I feel better. I feel content. I also just want to be alone. I'm not ready.. and that's okay. I realized that I can allow myself to feel...

Richard Chao
Aug 21, 20221 min read
Why So Sad
It closed without much closure. I feel like hiding away and shutting off for a bit, but I can't. Responsibilities, traveling,...

Richard Chao
Aug 17, 20222 min read
Not My Best
Dancing the night away, meeting new people, not caring about how ridiculous I looked while having fun... I paused, saw myself surrounded...

Richard Chao
Jul 30, 20222 min read
Control
Another ramble ramble, she's drunk. 🥴 Oofta, what a night... at the same place, eating the same pizza. Got to see my friend dj, what an...

Richard Chao
Jul 23, 20222 min read
Sad Love Songs - Always A Mood
A long, droning ramble. Enjoy at your own risk. What I'm Listening To - Something Stupid | Nancy & Frank Sinatra Isn't it strange how...

Richard Chao
Jul 15, 20224 min read
One More Month
I skipped writing yesterday and spend the evening sleeping. Going out for Sunday Funday and then working on Monday was a slight mistake,...

Richard Chao
Jul 12, 20221 min read


Resetting Myself
Shorter post today. It's a lazy Sunday for sure, woke up with a slight hangover and attempted to do all the things I put off during the...

Richard Chao
Jul 10, 20223 min read
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