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A Lack of Subtly

Recently, I've been showing a more sincere part of myself with others. Instead of molding my responses to fit their desired interaction, I'll speak frankly about my intentions. Whether it's to go on a date, hook up, or needing space, I've found it empowering to clearly communicate what I want and not let others dictate the situation.

It does come at the greater cost of rejection, sure. It's also made me realize that even when I take initiative and it ultimately doesn't work out, I can look back and know it wasn't because of my lack of effort. If I approach guys I'm interested in with transparency, I find it alleviates some of the anxiety they have.

It also showed me that many guys don't know what they want, even when presented options.

I think the most disheartening thing I've experienced thus far is being thrown in the friend zone, even after a mutual attraction is established. There are some that are taken back at the notion that I'd want to develop a deeper connection with them. Others who freeze and flake when I try to show immediacy in wanting to meet up in a sexual or dating context.

I think I've grown impatient with people who don't know what to do. I'm too exhausted to play 3D chess to figure out if you like me. I extend myself beyond my comfort zone to openly admit when I want to engage more with someone. I want to have a reciprocated sense of affection. It's so strange to have guys shy away from me because they're intimidated. I can't fix that feeling, all I can do is look you in the eyes and show how genuine my interest is.

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